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With Westbrook on roster, Lakers research environmentally friendly ways to dispose of season

As hopes dwindle that a blockbuster trade will vault the Los Angeles Lakers back into title contention, the team is reportedly investigating the most environmentally friendly ways it can throw away the 2022/23 season. “Wasting one of Lebron James’ few remaining years is extremely toxic, so we need to be careful exactly how we dispose of it,” explained a high-ranking Lakers official, in a voice hoarse from talking themselves into another season of Russell Westbrook. “AD is made entirely of glass so there’s a very standard route for that sort of waste, but a player like Patrick Beverley is a fire hazard because of his inflammatory comments, so we’re going to need to get the fire department involved there.” The official stressed that green options were being explored wherever possible. “Recycling is our number one priority. We need to ensure that next year’s scapego - sorry, head coach - is in a position to have some semblance of team continuity after we once again assemble a motley squad of one-dimensional players on single-year contracts in the offseason.” The interview concluded there, and the official began donning riot gear to join the delegation attempting to move Westbrook out of the starting line up.

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