Nation’s most boring man excited for Oklahoma-Cleveland Finals

Indianapolis-based accountant Paul Keaton says he’s been thrilled by the scorching starts to the season by the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Cleveland Cavaliers. “This would be a dream Finals match-up,” he gushed effusively, and says he has considered cutting pack on his museum trips this year to ensure he’s able to attend. 

“Usually you get the Finals in such bright, noisy cities, and it's so hard to get to sleep at a normal hour like 10pm. But these two cities really shut down at night, and their fantastic green spaces and welcoming environments will really make for a magically civic couple of weeks.” 

Keaton also pointed out that the bland, uninspiring food scene would minimise the risks of any illnesses during the Finals. “I’ve just never heard anyone say they wouldn’t want to go on holiday to Cleveland.”