Fan distracts free throw shooters with reminder of inevitability of death

With an unconventional approach that has seen surprising success, Charlotte Hornets fan Gordon Bleak has been distracting opposing teams’ free throw shooters with grim reminders of the futility of existence. “These guys are living their dreams,” said an emotionless Bleak. “They’re millionaires playing to thousands every night, they think they’re invincible. A little hint that the slow, unrelenting march of time will one day render their bodies to dust often disturbs them enough to make them draw back iron.”

Surprisingly, Bleak is untroubled about the possibility of opposing fans replicating the approach to distract Hornets players. “If they’ve spent more than a season on the Hornets, they would probably welcome the sweet release of death.”