Lakers investigated after paying millions to father of draft prospect Bronny James

The NBA is reportedly opening a tampering probe into the Los Angeles Lakers, amid reports that the team has paid significant sums of money to the father of highly touted prospect Bronny James. “They say they really like this guy on their roster, but the dude is 37 years old,” complained one executive anonymously. “There are 3 players in the league older than him, and they’re all one rocking chair accident away from retirement. You think they would be paying this guy if it wasn’t with an eye to Bronny?” Lakers fans were also quick to condemn the revelations, adamant that this wasn’t what the team stood for. “It’s beneath the Lakers,” declared local fan Chuck Pressey. “We’ve never been a team to lure players with sneaky tactics, responsible management or generous spending. We’ve gotten unbelievably lucky to be based in one of the most popular markets in the league and we’ve been proud to coast on that for decades.” Pressey pointed out that this move is also costing the Lakers in the present. “I Googled it just now, and we were somehow -117 with the old man on the floor last year. This is a team with a former MVP and Anthony Davis, and he’s managing to bring them into the negative - it’s just embarrassing to watch.” At the time of publication, further explosive allegations were surfacing that one of James Sr’s childhood friends had also been on the Lakers payroll as recently as last season.