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Sacramento Kings fans growing suspicious that playoffs don’t actually exist

As the Sacramento Kings look to break their record 16-year-long playoff drought in this upcoming season, a growing number of fans are beginning to doubt that postseason basketball actually exists. “Statistically, it’s borderline impossible for us to be in this situation,” explained young fan Alice Brooks, founder of the ‘SCAMento Kings’ group that is demanding to know what really happens between April and June. “Over half the league makes the playoffs every year, and we’re supposed to believe we’ve missed out for 16 years straight? A monkey typing out trade requests could have made the playoffs in that time - we want to know the truth.” Born in 2002, Alice grew up with bedtime stories of Kings star Chris Webber, but as the years have passed she and her friends began to doubt if their vague memories of high-stakes basketball games were true events, or just childhood fantasies. She lists off the improbable setbacks that have plagued the franchise while she’s been a fan. “Rookie Tyreke averages 20-5-5 then falls off a cliff? Cousins catches meningitis? We draft Thomas Robinson, Jimmer Fredette, Ben McLemore, Nik Stauskas, Willie Cauley-Stein and Marvin Bagley with top-10 draft picks? At a certain point we asked ourselves - what are they hiding from us? What happens in the postseason that they don’t want us to see?” The group is currently attempting to contact promising Kings rookie Keegan Murray in an attempt to save him from the unfortunate circumstances that they are certain will befall him if the Kings approach a winning record.

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