In act of goodwill, Kevin Durant personally removes knife from spine of Steve Nash

Brad Jennner / USA Today Sports

In a touching gesture of solidarity following a pivotal LA meeting with the Brooklyn Nets front office, Nets star Kevin Durant personally removed the blade he recently plunged into the back of his handpicked coach, Steve Nash. “It was an emotional scene,” revealed Nets owner Joe Tsai, standing amidst the rubble of the player empowerment movement. “There was a lovely light-hearted moment when the blade got jammed between two of Steve’s vertebrae and we all had a little laugh as friends. The focus for us now is moving forward safe in the knowledge that all of our superstars are emotionally secure and that there will be no more Nets controversies to speak of.” For Nash, it’s all in the past. “The abject humiliation for Kevin of teams offering nothing more substantial than Jaylen Brown is enough retribution in my book,” affirmed the two-time MVP, who is expected to miss the start of the season to recover from the physical and emotional wounds inflicted upon him. “What’s more - I’ve been getting messages of support from the entire Nets groupchat and Ben Simmons, so it feels like we’re one big team again.” With Durant now back in the fray, the Nets have been reaching out to local statues to replace the production of De’Andre Jordan at centre last season.