Apologetic Draymond Green promises to only strike designated interns in future

Mercurial defensive star Draymond Green is set to return to the Golden State Warriors line-up, on condition that he will restrict his assaults to the allocated Emotional Support staffers when he returns. “What I did was wrong, and I need to work on releasing my emotions in the right way” acknowledged Green, who says that his time away from the team was the longest 3.6 days of his life. “Going forward I can assure Jordan and my less punchable teammates that I will be exercising my frustrations solely on a suitably padded low-paid member of staff.” In recent years, the Warriors had been able to sense when Green was getting worked up, and could quickly push a teenage intern into his path to bear the brunt of his rage without damaging any on-court assets. In this instance, however, it seems that the designated staffer had called in sick on short notice, leaving Green with few alternatives. “When I get angry I look for the closest person with no ability to fight back, and I just swing,” explained Green, “But this is just me being me; if I was to stop getting in people’s faces or hitting them, it would clearly impact my ability to play team defense at a championship level.” Sources close to Green say he is focused on ramping back up to midseason form, and won’t leave the gym until he has blown 500 easy layups.